When I say the word “needs,” I find so many of the women I work with respond with “I don’t even know what my needs are.”
It’s such an open ended concept that can cause feelings of overwhelm.
Understanding your needs and values are important for healthy connection, setting boundaries, having healthy conflict, and knowing when to leave a relationship or situation that is no longer in alignment (this can apply to work, living environment, etc.)
It’s the root for navigating self preservation.
Your needs have everything to do with you.
While knowing if your needs are being met in a relationship is important to know if its in alignment or compatible, it is also your responsibility to tend to your needs.
It is your responsibility to communicate your needs to a friend or a partner.
While I think the “if he wanted to he would narrative” is beneficial to those who accept way below the bare minimum, I don’t think it’s healthy to perpetuate.
People can’t read your mind.
They don’t know your expectations or what you desire in a connection.
People show and express love in different ways.
People also have their own things going on, their own emotions, their own triggers and insecurities, their own wounding, etc. that can show up when relating to others.
Having empathy and compassion while relating is so important because not everyone acts and reacts in the same way you do.
What other people do has nothing to do with you, and it’s best not to take it personally.
Ultimately, knowing your needs, how to tend to them, and how to communicate based on them is so important to healthy relating.
It creates an internal locus of control.
My next little series is going to be on understanding your values and needs, how to tend to those needs yourself, and how to communicate healthy boundaries based on your needs.