The Grief Of Growth

The Grief Of Growth

The many chapters of our lives hold significance and different meanings. 

And yet, we don’t always acknowledge the grief that accompanies growth. 

The loss of a loved one or even the end to a relationship have been deemed as acceptable forms of grief in our society. 

But grief seeps its way into every iteration of change we go through.  

The starting of a new chapter, full of excitement, anticipation and potential, simultaneously closes the door to an old one.  

When we move, we leave favorite people and places behind. We honor the memories, and there is a sense that even if we return, it will never be the same.  

When we leave jobs and careers, we leave what was known, we leave coworkers, and inside jokes, routine, and the opportunities that moment of time provided us with.  

When friends grow apart, there is a loss of connection, of shared emotions and memories, of feelings of intimacy, and even parts of our daily or weekly routine.  

But, there is also a version of ourselves that is left behind as we close out chapters.  

We evolve and grow as we move into new phases of our lives.  

The people we knew in our teens, 20s, 30s, etc. often don’t know the version of us now.  

So much time has passed, so much has been carved into our souls, that who they knew may have remnants in who we are, but it’s not the complete version of us anymore. (and vice versa) 

The places we leave behind hold onto a version of us that we rarely can access in the exact same way. When you go back to visit, there is joy in returning and reuniting, but it doesn’t quite feel like home anymore.  

That grief can be one that that many of us don’t sit in.  

We as a culture do not have the same rituals that other cultures do to honor the transitions of life. 

We don’t hold space for the emotions that arise in moments of change.  

And because it wasn’t something we were taught to do, we fumble through the feelings when they arise. 

We suppress, reject, ignore, and grief follows us in the shadows as we move into new phases.  

Lingering grief finds its way into our bones, creating illnesses, avoidance patterns, closed off hearts, and fear to re-engage in life.  

It manipulates us behind the scenes and robs us of the fullness of life.  

I’ve slowly been unraveling my suppressed grief over this past year as I’ve been forced to sit in stillness.

I knew it was lurking behind the curtain, being the emotional root of some of my physical illnesses, and yet I didn’t know how to access it. It didn’t feel safe to.  

But to sit with and allow yourself to grieve anything you can imagine that has grief attached to it, allows space for other things to fill its place.  

Like pulling up a dying plant, you create space in the soil for a new seed to be planted.  

You allow yourself to fully close the door to a chapter and fully walk into the new one.  

Your energy is no longer straddling the doorway, afraid to let go of the past.  

You don’t carry residual forms of protection, no longer avoiding the potential for being hurt.  

When you honor what has come before in a reverent way, you’re able to acknowledge the weight it held for that time of your life and that version of you.  

You can send love to the people who are no longer in your life, seeing all the ways they helped you grow through that period and even into the present.  

You can think fondly of the memories each chapter has held for you, knowing you wouldn’t be who you are today without them.  

Each person, place, experience and phase held its own uniqueness. And that’s why nostalgia can be such a strong emotion. You don’t realize how truly special a moment can be when you’re living it.  

It’s the grief of growth accompanying change that makes every moment, every memory, every emotion so special.